It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
