once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
