wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im holly from the hills drunk
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
