coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
