Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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