I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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