get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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