Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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