I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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