I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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