I'm jealous of your bromance
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
