Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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