he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
