when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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