Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
