We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
