Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
