Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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