last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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