I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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