What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
