dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
