You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
