no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
