My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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