i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
