My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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