I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
