getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
