oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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