dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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