Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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