do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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