he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
