He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
