idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
