1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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