D3 body, D1 cock
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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