i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
