im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you will always have a special place in my vag
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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