Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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