I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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