Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish you could order shots online.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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