Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
