He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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