Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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