you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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