you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
