Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Randomize
