I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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