An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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