You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
