This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
