Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it's like iHOP with fire
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i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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