My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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