all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my shit smells like andre
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
