Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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