Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
