So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
