It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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