After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
