Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
