i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
