i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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