Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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