I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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