Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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