I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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