; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
