Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
