Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
